FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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