He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
