i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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