we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
