I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
