matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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