Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
