i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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