I think im going to throw up on grandma
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
this just has baby written all over it
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
