There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Your dad touched me again.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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