I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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