As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
he's gonorrhea incarnate
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
