Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
