im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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