I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
