I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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