Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
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we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
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Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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