we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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