I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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