What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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