just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
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you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Can I color on your dick again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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