it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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