good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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