Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
40s are totally the cure
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
