she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
