Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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