Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
