The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
