found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
