Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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