I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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