she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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