Are we in a gay sports bar?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
