he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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