get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
