I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
