We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
