my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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