when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Those nachos came to me in a dream
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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