There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
