Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
