You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
