I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
