dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
