i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
