dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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