Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
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I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
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I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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