What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
