she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Houston, we have a blender
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
