I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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