I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
