So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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