I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Oh god it's open bar.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
