and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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