Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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