hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
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Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
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I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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