is wine microwaveable?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
