I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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