i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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