Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
