if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
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Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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