thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
